Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Freeze.

And just like that it happened. He grew up.

My heart is burning right now. Heart-burning! Literally burning from my bedtime snack! It goes a little something like this: a bowl of sliced cukes, tomatoes, and onions floating in a mixture of vinegar and water. Smother that in salt and pepper and you have an Ellis favorite! Even worse, far more achy is a throbbing from a different kind of pain, pure raw sadness.

Just now Coren ran into my room shouting for me. "M" I heard. He appeared like lightning. Not far behind was his big sister. So big she almost seems teenager like. Who is she these days? And where is my little girl? It seemed like slow motion. Coren jumped up on the bed next to me and smiled. Something was missing. I couldn't speak. Where his cute little tooth should have been was his red bloody tongue. This huge huge smile was on his face and he kept moving his tongue in out of of this tiny little hole where his tooth once stood. I just stared at him. Silent and emotionless I looked at him. Maybe even through him. I couldn't move, speak, blink, or even breathe for that matter.

"What?" he said so confused. He seemed sad that I wasn't jumping for joy!
"I pulled it out!" Makenna beamed. "Now I pulled out Carson and Coren's first tooth!"

I remained frozen. Desperately seeking the rewind button.

It seems like Coren was just born. He was such a cute little guy. I just couldn't get enough of him. I held him while he slept, while I cooked and cleaned, and I just thought that maybe, just maybe, he could stay tiny forever. He was my last, I knew it before he was born and it made me happy, I knew it even more tonight and it tore me to pieces!

Reality set in and I knew I had to act excited. Moms do that for their kids. All I could say was, "Was it loose?" Duh... was it loose? Of Course it was loose weird-o! And then I smiled and congratulated the two troublemakers on their late night success. I grabbed the camera as I do for all life changing moments such as these and began snapping some photos. Pictures that would help him remember his big day and pictures that would help me remember when he was five. Because I am seeing now more than ever than he will be twenty-five before I know it. Feeling sicker now!

I was always so excited for my kids to grow up. The first roll, the first babble, crawling, walking, words, and then potty training. It seemed like it would never happen, and now I look back and wonder if it ever did happen. It is all such a blur.

One thing that brings me peace in the midst of this depression is the fact that... well the fact that... actually nothing is helping. I am feeling kind of sick. I have all of these these thoughts of the great times we have had as they have grown up but I can't help but wonder how many memories have been lost in my forgetful brain. Far too many I am sure. At times I feel that I am a woman on the verge of Alzheimer's, knowing I am forgetting something, but not really caring because somethings are better forgotten. Especially the nasty things and the household chores. Tonight I have such an urge to remember everything!

"Carson are you proud of me?" Coren just asked in the other room.

Makenna, Carson, and Coren, I am so proud of each of you. What amazing little growing people I have brought to this earth. Each of you are so amazing and special in your own way, and without each one of you I would not be complete.

Now just one request. FREEZE!

Soccer time!

Saturday means soccer right now. Before the game we get all pumped up so that we can cheer with everything we've got. This week Steve was the Coach and Coren thought he was too. It was funny to see Coren get all involved and think he was running things. Me and Carson sat on the sidelines cheering and eating pretzels. Sadly, they didn't win, but there is always next time! Good playing Kenna!








Goodbye Wally World!

Hip Hip HORRAY! The WalMart is finally done! Steve just finished the Price Remodel, and came home and CRASHED on the porch. I guess he was relieved to have it over. I didn't know what to do with him so I just left him there sleeping for about an hour. After all he is used to sleeping there when he gets in trouble and I lock him out. That mat is a more comfortable pillow than you would think!

Anyways, it turned out really great and everyone is proud of him. Especially me! And NOW, he gets to be in town. We can't wait!

Speechless!

Nothing says white trash like.....
A gold chain and Billy Bob Teeth!
Thanks Makenna for the gifts. They look grreeaattt!!! The things the kids get at the school store these days are a little freaky!
PS- Coren dry heaved (literally) while wearing these... and so did I jut looking at the kids in them. EWW~

Supposed to be sleeping little boy!

It was a school night and Carson was supposed to be fast asleep in his bed. Instead, I snuck downstairs to find him at his desk reading and eating apple slices. He is so dang cute! I tucked him in and told him he could stay up all night if he wanted. His little smile always makes me give in!


Pre-school Graduation

Coren is such a big boy. He is headed for Kindergarten. I can't believe it. I was sad and happy all at once. He is a smarty pants. He will do great. He had a great with Ms. Hilary and learned so much. I can't wait to see how well he does in school!








At the park.

After the hike we went to Murray Park to play and feed the ducks. Grandpa Johns met us there. The kids had a great time.






Afterwards we went to Grandpa's for ice-cream and to visit.

Monday, June 7, 2010

Price WalMart

Steve worked his booty off and remodeled the Price WalMart in record time. It looked amazing, and as usual, I was super proud of him.
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Thursday, June 3, 2010

Our Hike

Sunday morning we woke up to the most amazing weather. We decided quickly that we should forgo church and hike. The only thing that gets you closer to God than church is climbing towards heaven. And heaven it was!
Last year Coren was our weakest hiker, however this year he took off in the lead and I basically had to chase him up the hill. Steve and Carson and Kenna were behind us, and every time I looked at Steve he gave me the most confused look. Coren was shocking us!


We stopped along the way to pose for some pictures and take a couple of small breaks.

Coren pulled a bag out of his camel back that had a bunch of treats he got at This is the Place the day before. It was so cute!






Once we reached "our top" about 2 miles up. we stopped and enjoyed the view. Coren had brought his binoculars that he got from Grandpa Ellis and he started to show us lots of cool stuff.




On the way down, Kenna, Carson and I took off running. We pretty much ran most of the way down which was really fun! Coren was the first one up but the last one down. He was amazing. If only he would not keep forgetting to watch the trail. He fell many times!

We had seen a dead snake on the road before we went up the trail. Carson started to cry and Kenna was freaking out. The whole way up Coren would yell to them that he was scaring all of the snakes away. Then he would tell me that he still had lots of energy, and then he was running out of energy, and then after his snack that he had his energy back. As soon as we got down he had to have a picture with the snake. Prove that he was the fastest, strongest, and bravest.

What a great hike. I am so excited for lots of hiking this summer!