Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Losing Mom.

Right before we were about to leave McCall my Dad called.  He said that my Mom was not doing well at all and that we needed to hurry home.  It was such a bad phone call.  Me and Steve started to panic and Steve just started throwing things into the car.

It was a long drive home.  Steve was driving like a maniac, and I was on the phone and trying to figure out what the deal was.  I can't beleive we got there in one piece, both mentally and physically.

We finally got there, and Dad was right, she was not doing well.  She was barely responsive and looked the worst I had ever seen her.  I think we all knew that the time had come and that this time we couldn't get her back.  It was just a matter of time.

It was Sunday night, and I wasn't sure how long she would make it.

I couldn't leave, me and the kids camped out with Brooke and my Dad and we spent as much time as we could making her comfortable and talking to her and just being with her.  As time went on she wouldn't open her eyes, and anything we tried to feed her or give her to drink would just make her choke.  It is hard because you don't want her to starve or be thirsty, but you also don't want to accidently choke her.

Hospice would come and check up on her.  She was always in perfect health, other than the cancer.  Her heart would beat strong and her body would just fight.  Makenna took such good care of her.  She had a rough few days but never left her Grandma.  I am sure it brought so much comfort to my Mom.  I think I can safely say Makenna was one of her favorite people.

We started to make funeral plans, hoping that we wouldn't need to use them, but knowing that we would.

The point came quickly where she wouldn't get out of bed anymore, or even wake up.  It was hard to see her so lifeless and at the mercy of us.  I hope we kept her comfortable, we tried as hard as we could. 

Zak came and when he got there he yelled, "Mom, open your eyes!"  Her eyes shot open huge and then shut.  That was the last time she opened her eyes.

Friday, July 8th came.  I didn't think it would be the day.  Hospice came and said that maybe the next day, but right after they left her breathing got bad.

I was out with everyone and the social worker and I just had the strongest feeling to go and check on her.  I went back and my Dad and Zak her on the bed with her holding her hands, so I walked out assuming she was fine.  Then I just had this weird feeling to go back.  So I did.  I realized that she was barely breathing.  I sat down next to her and my Dad and Zak were telling her good-bye and that it was okay to go.  I was so confused.  All of the sudden a tear came out of her eye, which was so unusual.  I wiped it away.  She was't breathing and my Dad asked me if that was it.  I was just in shock.  I checked her pulse and he heartbeat was strong.  All of the sudden she took another breath and then I checked her pulse and there was nothing.  Just like that.  I looked at the clock and it was 2:15.

It was really sad and the kids were all so sad.  Everyone was there, and it was so sad to have to leave her room and tell them all.  It was funny though because everyone was in their perfect place, you could tell she had this all planned out so that everyone was right where they needed to be.

She looked so at peace after she died, and you could feel her spirit there.  I think we all knew that she was still with us.

We were all outside and we looked over the house and there was the strangest rainbow.  It was upside down, which I had never seen, but it looked like a smile.  We knew it was her sending it to us, letting us know that she was okay.  It was not the last rainbow we saw, and always at the perfect times.

This was such a hard thing to deal with, but I am so gald that she is not sick and suffering anymore.

She died 18 years TO THE DAY of her first lumpectomy.  It was a hard fought 18 years, but she made the best of it, and I am so glad for every one of those days we had with her.

1 comments:

Mare said...

I cried reading your post. I'm so sorry for your loss...Sending prayers your way..