New Job

The other day when my Mom was really drugged up, she told me, "You better get a new job because I think that there is going to be a pandemic!"  A pandemic?  A job?  What?  I told her that I would look into it.

A few days later I was thinking about this and wondering what I would do that would be a good job for me, and I decided that I could be a PROFESSIONAL SMELLER.  My nose is SO sensitive (my ears too, but that is for a later post) and I can smell things from a mile away.  I love a good smell, and I HATE a bad smell.  For instance, my car has a bad smell.  I blame the carpool, and too much spilt food.  It used to smell good.  Kids just stink!  Eww, it BUGS me!

My services would be as follows:

House smeller~  I know you all wonder if your house smells good or bad.  I do too.  But some how we get immune to our "smell".  How nice would it be to have a professional come in and tell it like it is.  "A dog, a cat, a child in diapers... and fish for dinner last night?  Yes your house stinks!"

Car sniffer~  "I hate to tell you this, but somewhere in this car is a chicken nugget, probably off the Wendy's dollar menu, and ranging from one to two months old.  I recommend checking under the seats."  "And that car seat has been puked in!"

Clothing critique~  "I love tide, it smells SO great, but you have to take the clothes out of the washer the day OF laundry, not the next day, or even the next.  I smell mildew!"

Breath wiffer~  "Before we continue, I need to make sure that you have brushed today, and avoided garlic for three or more days..."

B.O. detector~  "If you think you have it, you probably do.  But just for the record, this smell WILL go away after a shower!"

Fart Grader~  "Why do you men want your farts to stink?  It is nothing to be proud of.  Yes, I smell it, yes, I am about to puke, and yes, it stinks worse than his!"

Smoke detector~ "You rolled down the car window, but I still smell it.  You keep your windows open in the house, but the smell is still there, and before you even spoke, I knew why I was here.  Yes, I can tell that you are a smoker!"

Stinky feet~  "I am sorry for the inconvenience, but this service is no longer available.

I think I have a good business plan!!

 You would hire me, right?