People are good.

To say the last few weeks have been hard would be a HUGE understatement.  Despite the trails that we have been facing with my Mom's sickness, I have learned a huge lesson.  People are good, (except for that loser that flipped me off on the freeway today... WHY?) people are very good.

I have been taken back by the love, support, thoughtfulness, and helpfulness of the people around me.  To say that they are good is in many ways an insult to them.  They are simply amazing!  My faith in humanity has been more than restored.  I am looking forward to the day that I can try to repay people for what they have done for me.  I hope that I can.

While I have been helping to heal my Mom, I have learned so many things.  I have learned about the human body.  It is strong, and it is weak.  I had no idea how quickly a person could slip away.  However, even the weakest and sickest person is still a living and loving person.  No matter how distant they become due to pain, grief, and medication, they still find a way to be there everyday.  Between gibber and jabber and questions answered with random off topic answers, they shock you by saying things that are just "so them."

I have learned that we all cope differently.  I now know that some people just cannot take as much as others, unless they really try.  It is amazing how much you can handle when you are forced to.  It is even more amazing how much you can handle when you just handle it.  Yeah, things suck, but you can survive them.  We all can.  Especially if we tell ourselves that we can.

I have learned the HUGE difference in the power of a positive attitude, and the not so great power of a negative one.  An attitude that wants a positive outcome can lift and strengthen even the weakest.  Boy oh boy does negativity and a lack of hope feel a room with a sour smell!  And WOW, the difference in the afflicted when they sense your hope and your uplifting attitude.  I am not sure about you, but if someone tells me I am going to live, or tells me I am going to die, I am going start to believe them.  Then, one of two things will happen.  I will start to hold on, or start to let go.  We should never let go.  Hope is what keeps us alive.  We should never lose hope.

I have learned in the everlasting strength and love of a Mother:

Monday afternoon I took my Mom for her weekly doctors visit.  As we slowly made our way into the first exam room we were offered and quickly declined a wheelchair.  My Mom sat in the exam chair and I could see the concern in the nurses eyes.  We were quickly taken to an exam room which was very abnormal for these visits.  Within minutes Dr. Stennett arrived in our room.  We had waited for his arrival, but when he walked in, I wanted him to turn around and walk out.  He had a frowny face.  A sad Doctor, from my experience, is the bearer of bad news.  He asked how she was doing and she used the energy she had to say, "good" and nod her head.

After taking a minute to examine her, we helped her back to her chair.  He opened his folder and began.  "Chris, I have always been honest with you, and I am going to continue to do so...."  He gave us "the talk" and told us that she is really sick.  He showed us some graphs and spouted off some numbers and said that none of it looked good.  He said the she just "wasn't the same person anymore" that she was weak and that he would no longer be able to treat her with chemo therapy.  He said that Hospice (I hate that word) would be available to us, and that if she wished he could even continue to see her.  He also said that he could draw blood to test her numbers again, but that it probably wouldn't be worth it.

I began to sob.  Not just tear up, but do that loud cry where it is hard to breathe.  She said that she wanted her blood tested and he left.  I laid on her frail shoulder and broke down.  She didn't shed a tear.  She reached up her hand and rubbed my face.  She asked Coren to get me a tissue.  She told me that it would be OK and that we were lucky to have the memories.  I kept crying, "MOM!!!!  No!!!!"  I remember telling her to cry, and telling her that it wasn't OK!!  She continued to comfort me.

The nurses came and hugged and kissed her.  They told her that they loved her and that she was their favorite and sweetest patient.  She has been going there for SO many years, and has a very good friendship with all of them.  They knew all about us kids by name, and all about her prized Grandchildren.

Finally she said, "Get me out of here.  I want to go to bed."  

I cried all the way to the car.  She asked for a blanket and wanted to heater on.  The 10 minute drive home was torture.  Not only because it was 150 degrees in the car, and I could barely see the road through my tears, but because I knew that waiting at home was my Dad.  It would be my job to pass on the news.

The next day I arrived at her house and she took one look at me and said in her weak voice, "I was up all night repenting for those bad thoughts I was having.  That isn't me.  I am going to fight.  I am going to get better!"

"Good, then what can I get you to eat" I asked.  (Three weeks without food alone can kill a person.)  At that moment, we flipped back on the heal switch.  We will not be turning it off.

And in the midst of my daily emergencies, long hours helping out, and forgetting the unimportant/pretty important things like laundry, cleaning the house, and caring for the yard... and occasionally forgetting about the kids (oops) it is all under control.  If you call this control.

Friends have dropped their lives FOR ME at the drop of a hat.  Left work to watch my kids, fed them, let them hang out, helped with carpool, driven them to me when it was too hard to pick them up myself, fed me, talked to me, offered to help with anything anytime, listened to me, mowed my lawn, helped me look for a cure to this nasty disease, and SO much more.  When I think about it all it makes me so happy to know that there are such wonderful people in the world.  Who knew?  I only hope that I can see the needs of others and pay it forward.  

Family.  That is what it is all about.  And in a crunch, everyone just does their part.  I have had to ask some hard things of people.  I have had some pretty terrible conversations with people who maybe just weren't on my same wavelength.  I guess we just can't all agree all of the time.  I have also been so lifted up by family and amazed at their generosity.  I have been in awe of my Dads strength, and the love that he has for my Mom.  She is sick, but he is suffering in so many ways.  His shoes are ones that we be hardest to be in.  Without family I am not sure where I would be.

People are good.  People are the only thing that have gotten me through this hard time.  I know I have more to learn but so far I know:

-More people love me than I deserve

-Have a positive attitude

-Look for ways to help people, because the ones who really need help won't ask

-There is power in words

-We all have some hidden strength in there

-It is OK to cry, just get back in control before too many people see you

-Mom's are the greatest, who knew they would really always be there for us, no matter what

-PEOPLE ARE GOOD and I need to be better