Mormons, weeds, and a serial killer.

Phew... I can open that window again.

Since the sun came out and the weeds came in , I have found myself keeping the shades down on the windows that ruin my days.  I look outside and the weeds are all I see, it ruins my day, and makes me feel lazy.  They took over, and it all happened so fast.  Just as I was excited to see the snow go and the sun come, the weeds started to populate like a perfect Mormon Family, putting a damper on my life, and filling my flower beds like the Mormons fill the churches on Sunday (I know, making fun of myself too).  I tried to ignore it, sure that they would magically disappear, but like any good Latter day Saint population, they grew, and grew, until finally I had to take action.  

I knew that this task would not be easy.  But I didn't know that it would drive me to madness.  As I began my knees hurt, so I just plopped down in the dirt.  I am not afraid of getting dirty.  As I weeded along, enjoying myself at first, I started to wonder what all the fuss was about.  Then I saw a little spider.  I decided to let it live.  After all this was his home.  But the more I thought about it, I realized that one spider will meet another spider, and next thing you know, like Mormons, there are a whole lot of spiders.

From that moment on, I started a animal hit list.  I put spiders at the top.  Eventually I ran into a wasp, and before I even knew what was happening, I was stabbing it with my weeding tool.  I was a little shocked at myself, but glad it didn't get away and sting me.  I killed spiders, tons of little things that I cannot even name, and some wasps.  I killed some worms, but that was an accident, however it is true what they say... You cut them in half and then each half just crawls off.  Amazing!

The insanity kicked in at about the 2 1/2 hour mark when I was still in the SAME flower bed.  Those weeds I tell ya, they are out of control.  I saw a wasp on a plant, and I felt some anger happening.  You see wasps took over last year, and it was a huge mess!  I started speaking to it, "Come here WASP" I said in a creepy voice, like a pedophile trying to lure a child into his car with a sucker.  Next thing I knew I had captured it in my bucket and I started chopping its little head off.  When I wasn't very successful, I found my self saying out loud, "COME ON!  Just decapitate already!!!"

I took a step back, looked around to make sure that no-one was watching, and called it a day.  Looks like I need to hire a Gardner.  A good lookin' one to help calm my nerves!  No need to call animal control.  The situation has been handled.