love thy dog

Yes, we were "those parents" that gave the kids a puppy for Christmas.

But soon I realized that I had made a huge mistake!!  I tried to cope, but I couldn't!  I finally turned to the bottle hoping to get through the puppy years.  Soon my drinking became so bad that the kids were drinking.  Anytime Coren saw the dog coming he would grab my bottle and start chugging!  I knew it was wrong, but we were in survival mode.  We had a puppy, it was the only way to make it through!

It will forever be held over my head that I got rid of the family dog because he peed in my shoe.  Every time my kids see a dog, they say, "We had to sell Max because he peed in your favorite shoe, huh Mom?"

Such guilt!  But, I always go back to all the crap he did that made me hate him like scratching up the whole room trying to get out of it, punishing me if we left the house without him, but peeing in the car if I was nice enough to bring him along, getting up in the morning and peeing by or in the kids beds, running away from me and making me chase him around like a FOOL, and the list goes on and on, and on and on.  Really it is a long list!

Still, being the nice Mom that I keep telling myself and every one else that I am, I feel bad about it.  I wish that he could have just been a good little dog, and then we could have kept him.  I wish that he would not have peed in my FAVORITE shoe.  That dog knew it was my favorite shoe, he was smart.  Too smart for a dog!  There were other shoes all around and he walked up to that one and just peed right in it!  GRRRR!

I guess it is time to let the anger go!  I am over it.  Lately, I think I am too over it because every time I see a cute little puppy for sale I think that I need to get it for the kids.  I feel like kids need a dog.  I will have to sit there and take myself back to the bad times, and then finally I am able to walk away.

Yesterday at WalMart (I feel like I start so many sentences that way) there was a nice guy sitting outside selling two puppies.  They were so cute.  I am not sure if I have ever seen such cute dogs.  The kids ran over, and the nice man was letting them pet them.  I was getting drawn in.  I started to shake a little bit.  I was kind of reaching for my wallet, but wondering what was wrong with me.  I am so mental sometimes.  

Then the guy looked over and said, "$250" and I just looked at him and said, "You know what...?  You would have to pay me $250 to take one of these!!!" He was stunned.  I am sure he thought I was such a witch, but I had to be. Then I grabbed the kids and got to the car as fast as I could.

As soon as we got in the car I took a deep breath, put my purse down, and relaxed, just in time to have Coren say, "Remember when we had to sell Max because he peed on your shoe?"

Cancer Sucks!

YES, I am sitting here in the middle of the night blogging.  I am in a little pain.  I chose to run 18 miles tonight, and then came home and drank 8 glasses of water, and ate cantaloupe and popcorn.  My tummy is mad, and making some loud and frightening noises.  It hurts, but not so bad that I cannot sit here and type.  Not so bad that I will experiencing anything more painful than the run itself.  Why I choose to do these things to myself is beyond me.  But it is a choice.  In a sick way I like it.

******

Suffering.  Do we really even know what suffering is?  Tonight to me, suffering is pain that we do not self inflict.  The last few weeks my Mom has been getting sick.  She has been having terrible pains in her stomach that keep her up at night.  The pain is so intense that she cannot sleep, no matter how much medication she takes.  It hurts so bad for hours at a time that she feels like she needs to go to the Emergency Room.  Is she suffering?  More than any of us know, or could even imagine.  Most of us have never experienced such a sensation, such horrible pain, and most of us never will.

We all hear about pain, about suffering, about someone being sick.  It always sounds so miserable, and for a second we stop and feel bad for that person, and then maybe think that we are so glad that we are not the one in that situation.  Then, our life goes on.  We get annoyed by the kids, the husband is being a baby about his upcoming Vasectomy, or it is time to make dinner and we really don't want to.  The sympathy is gone, and we are back to life as usual. Each of us suffering in our own little ways.  Little ways!  But what about those suffering in big ways?Until someone close to us is sick and suffering it is really easy to forget what suffering really is.

I feel strong.  If I could I would take the pain from my Mom in a heartbeat.  Her body is run down, and so is her mind.  A day for her where her biggest problems are bratty kids, fighting siblings,  and what to make for dinner would be a dream come true.  If even for a short time, I would love to give her body a break so that it can start to heal.  How do we heal when we are suffering?  Cancer sucks, and hopefully none of us will ever have to experience the intense and unbearable pain that she does on a daily basis.  

My Pain?  Today I had to cancel a lunch date with My Mom because she was too sick to answer the phone when I called, let alone go to lunch.  Instead I built with Lego's for two hours, and I didn't have enough blue ones to make the house all the same color.  It bothered me.  I complained to Steve that we have a serious Lego shortage and that he needs to get more.  Makenna complained that I never give her lunchables anymore and that the pricey folder I got her wasn't cute enough and didn't have a pocket.  Carson was hungry because I told him to throw away his spoon after he ate his Ravioli's , and then he wasn't able to eat the rest of his lunch because he didn't have a spoon. He was just doing what I told him to do.  I had a child pee the bed because he dreamt what he was sitting on the toilet.  He was really embarrassed.  I ran for a long time, and my legs hurt at the end.  Now I am sick and cannot sleep.  My house is not as clean as I wish it was.  I am not a rich woman.  My camera takes crappy pictures.  Any minute now I am going to throw up.  Despite the massive amount of miles I put in, I still have some fat on my body.  Wondering if I need to cut out eating all together.  My hair is so ratted in back that I may have to cut it, and I have the most ugly and painful zit on my chin.

Today I made a little boy so happy by playing with him, and he has carried our creation around all day.  I was able to teach my daughter a valuable lesson about gratitude, and the blessing of having food to eat.  I taught my son the best way to handle school lunch, and he just now went pee in the toilet, the real one and not the dream one, and then kissed me goodnight.  He said he loves me.  At some point my house will get clean, and in a bad economy my husband has a job that he loves and is amazing at.  Fat is probably a necessary part of survival, and I can cut my hair anytime.  Zits always seem to go away.  And... I talked to my Mom tonight and we are planning lunch for tomorrow.  

As bad as things may seem, for most of us they are pretty good.  Life is about taking the lemons and making Lemonade.  That is what my Mom always says.  Someone who has some pretty nasty lemons in her life.  Next time I feel like complaining, I am going to try to look around at all of the good things I have.  I have no idea what suffering is.  Do you?

...disclaimer...  No, I did not write this post because of you.  I wrote it for you.  And for me.

Lego's

Coren is a Lego obsessed man.  Today we sat down to build some stuff, and sadly, this was the best we could do.  I didn't have enough Lego's to make what we really wanted to make which was a huge castle.  He is really proud of this and wants the world to see it.  Good Job Coren!

Moved.

My brother Zak packed up and moved to Arizona with his girlfriend (possibly wife... long story... it's a Vegas thing) Katie.  We are sad to have him gone, but we love her.  Plus, he is kind of a pain in the butt, so she can HAVE HIM!  

Last time he moved out of state was after high school.  He went to Hawaii to visit his friend that was living over there, and called a week later to let us know that he was staying.  The lived there right by the beach for a few months, and then came home when he ran out of money.  What a life.  I wish that I would have done more crazy stuff like that before settling down.  Smart boy!  

**Note to my kids... DO NOT get married until you are at LEAST 23.  It's the law.  And if it isn't the law, it should be!**

Request from a spoiled blind child:

"Every time I am going to the bathroom I go into my room because I think it is the bathroom... SO...... could you put a bathroom in there?"

Dude, GET A HAIRCUT!

they did it.

Well, they did it.  Made it through the first day of school.  And, they were even excited to go back again today.

Carson had SO much to tell me, but most importantly that, "A girl likes me, and I like her too!"  He isn't sure of her name, but I bet that by the end of the week he will have it down.  The funny part is that they tell each other that they like them.  First grade?  WoW!

Kenna had tons of friends and even made some new ones.  She had to fill out a job application for homework and took it very seriously.  She is really excited for all of the fun things that they are going to do this year, and is impressed by how smart and organized her teacher is.  She was a little upset because she couldn't find Carson after school.  He had made his way to the playground.  I bet he won't do THAT again!

It sounds like it is going to be a good year!

Carson asked if the second day would be as fun as the first day.  I hope it was!!

Back to school!!

I was close to being ready for school to start but not all the way there yet.  We had such a fun summer together, and there was still more I wanted to do.  Morning came fast, and I was woken up by Steve singing some beach boys song as loud as he could in the shower.  It was not a very good start to my day!!  Too much energy for a tired person to handle.

As I started to get up I heard Kenna and Carson talking.  They had already gotten up and were all dressed for school.  They were so excited.

As soon as we got to school Kenna ran off and found her friends.  She came back and gave us a hug, and said she would see us after school.  Carson found the first grade area, and found some friends too.  I looked around and all of the kids had these little paper dolls in their hands.  The kids got them on back to school night and were told to decorate them like themselves and bring them on the first day.  Carson insisted on making his himself, and just drew on some clothes and a little blonde hair.  Well, all of the other kids had theirs decked out.  They had fabric and everything.  I went up to Carson worried that he was sad because his was so plain and told him that if he wanted we could take his home and put some clothes on it.  He looked at me funny and said, "Mine does have clothes on it!"  I am glad that he is so confident and isn't a follower.

I was sad to leave them both there for a full day, but I am sure that I will start to enjoy some free time, especially once Coren starts school.

Backpackers!

We spent Friday night packing up Steve and the kids getting them ready for their first big backpacking adventure.  Steve and the kids have been so excited for the trip, and I have been so excited for my weekend alone!  A weekend alone... WOW!  What is that?

Steve got everyone packed and I made them model for me.  Coren got on his pack and fell over just getting ready for the picture... Is that a bad sign?

Coren carried his clothes, fishing pole, and his mat.
Carson had the heaviest pack with his clothes, Makennas clothes, his fishing pole and mat.
Kenna carried two sleeping bags, her mat, and her pole.


I didn't get a picture of Steve in his pack, but it was about the size of... Makenna.  I wish him luck!

I cannot wait to hear all about their big adventure.  I have enjoyed a fun and peaceful weekend.  Speaking of which, I need to go and enjoy some more.  They come home tomorrow!

Hurricane

5am we met in front of my house to embark on our 16 mile journey.  The weather was great.  Cool, calm, and dark.  The route was my favorite, up to Daybreak Lake, around three times, and back home.

The 4 mile run to the lake us fun and uneventful, but without warning we were struck by strong winds, blowing at us from the North, just as we were about to head north.  It seemed like something out of a nightmare.  Being the tough runners we are (or pretended to be) we went on, at times moving our legs with all we had only to barely move.

Quickly the black skies brought thunder and lightening, and of course rain.  The wind was pounding the rain onto my face, and it HURT!  At one point Craig commented that it was like a facial... obviously he has never had a facial.  They are quiet nice, this was not!

The cold weather numbed my body, and I was cold.  But on we went, like a trio of brave Pioneers looking for the promised land (that would be home).

As the sun was trying to make its way through the clouds, I looked down and remembered that I had on a white shirt.  GREAT!  I suddenly felt like I was in the middle of a wet tee-shirt contest.  And, to make it worse, my running partners were both guys.  How embarrassing!

We (Craig, Clint and I) conquered the run, and arrived home soaked from head to toe.  It was a new adventure in running.  Kind of fun, but something I never need to do again.  Oh and did I mention that my poor little toe is now one big blister?  

Funny!

Watch these nice boys trying to put the neighbors garbage back in the dumpster when the wind blows it out.  They did this on their own, without their parents asking.  What nice boys!  Good job Carson J, Carson C, Coren J, and Tanner P.

I'll get you my pretty!

Last Monday.  Bad day Monday let's call it.  It all started out with a really bad run, which for me, usually means a bad day.  I had no idea how bad.

Once I got home from my run, I had to hurry and mow the lawn before heading up to to the Huntsman Cancer Institute for my Mom's surgery.  I like, I mean LIKED mowing the lawn.  It is usually something that I like to do, and it relaxes me.  So there I was mowing the lawn...

BAM!  CRUSH!  BANG!  GRIND!  "WHAT in the HE double hockey sticks what that???"  I look down to see blood and guts all over and a decapitated rodent laying by my foot oozing intestines.  So, I started to run around and scream and then hyperventilated for a while.  Once I got my composure, or was close to getting it, I called for Kenna and let her know that her chore for the day was to scoop up the pieces of this thing and throw them away.  She calmly looked at it, inspected the damage, looked for the missing head, and went to the shed for a shovel.  In the meantime, Carson came to me concerned that I was hurt.  He couldn't figure out why I was screaming so much.  DUH?

The last thing I wanted to do was keep mowing, but I needed to finish.  I hate stuff being halfway done.  I thought that this had been a freak event, and that the rest of the mowing would be uneventful.  I guess I was a little wrong.  As I kept mowing I saw these things, now known as VOLES running wild in my yard.  The had moved in overnight, like a bad storm!  They had made little holes all over the place, and at the same time signed their death wish.  There is no room at the Inn!  

I got Tim next door and he brought his dog over.  Milo, the dog, likes to hunt things.  He sniffed some out right away.  As the first vole darted towards freedom, he was chased but wasn't fast enough.  "SQUEAK!"  One down.

Next I called Steve and told my tell.  I was upset.  He was laughing.  I found more sympathy in my next call to the local pest control company.  They told me they would be right out.

So, off to the hospital I went.  The surgery was interesting.  It kind of happened.  He explored around and then never told us a thing.  What doctor doesn't come and tell you anything after a surgery?  I was irritated.  The NEXT DAY after still no answers on what the outcome of the surgery was, I called the doctor myself.  He didn't even call back until the next day, and even then, he couldn't give me any solid answers other than, "I need more tests, and I am a good doctor"  So from there the tests have been getting canceled every day for one reason or another, and I am getting more frustrated.  In the meantime, my Mom gets in more pain, and is more miserable.  The doctors don't call.

I finally called a Patient Advocate to complain and get help, but they haven't called me back either.  In summary, the Huntsman Cancer Institute SUCKS!  I should put some voles in their building!

So back to the Voles.  They suck too.  They still hang out here.  They have made themselves more holes.  They have died in my window wells.  One died from a shoe being thrown at it, and another in a trap with no bait (dumb voles).  I did mow the lawn again, and they escaped my blades.  Thank the LORD!  I am still on the attack!!  I will not quit!  I will fill their holes with poison, kick them, smash them, and whatever else.  Yes, it is a little violent, but these things are creepy!

If you see any voles crawling around, which if you live by me you will, give them a little kick and tell them Brandi sent you!

Hot sauce.

Kenna dressed up in Grandma's wig (we call the wig 'hot sauce').  She looks so different!!

Carson eating himself to death!
The kids sitting on the curb, looking for something to do.

bee catchers

It is amazing how many bees these boys caught!

Crazy boy

Coren has been up to no good this summer, as usual.  He has been dumping beads all over the place and saying that he is making stuff...

Dressing up in his sisters P.J's...
Having bloody noses almost every night...
And of course being cute to get his way!

Carson:  Mom yesterday at IKEA I saw two people wearing those masks around.  You know those swine flue masks.

Me: Oh really, that's funny.  I wonder why they were wearing them.

Carson: You know the masks for the swine flu.

Me: Yeah, that is crazy.  I wonder why they would be wearing them.

Carson:  SWINE FLU!!!

Sometimes my kids think I am so dumb.  I think they are right!  DUH!  Missed the point on that one I guess.

Let's talk about...

SEX?

Yes, this was the topic of conversation this weekend at our house.  It all started Saturday night when just before bedtime Makenna looked at me and Steve and said, "No sex tonight!"  Then Carson looked all confused and asked, "Sex??!!??"  Makenna told him to be quiet and not to say THAT word!  So Carson starts to chant SeX sex SEX sex SEx SEX.....

Finally Carson looked at Kenna and said, "What is sex anyways?"

"Carson sex is when two people lay there naked and make out."

Carson and Coren started to giggle.  We tucked them into bed and just then Carson looked at us and said, "So who is on top and who is on bottom?"  

Then Sunday night as we were again tucking them into bed Carson had a big smile and said, "Are you guys going to SEX IT tonight?  You should"  

"I hope!" Steve said.

"Did you sex it last night?  Cause I heard you go into the basement." Carson said like he had it all figured out.

Makenna started to freak out and said it was time for us to give her the sex talk.  She said that all her friends were getting it.  OF COUSE, Carson and Coren insisted that they get the talk as well so we sat them all down and laid it out there.  What else is there to do on a Sunday night at 11?  The whole time we kept asking if they had any questions, and Coren would raise his hand.  Then he would say, "Oh, I forgot!"  Makenna asked, "So how often do you do this?  Like once a month?"

I am telling you, are kids are crazy!