A happy Mom!

Tonight while looking through some photos, I saw so many pictures of happy times and wonderful memories that I just could not believe how lucky I am to have had so much joy in my life.  I saw some pictures of the day that Coren was born.  I remember that it was such a weird moment for me because on the way to the birthing center, I was in full labor and already pushing.  By the time we got there his head was out, and they threw me onto a bed and out he came.  It all happened so fast that I just layed there in shock.  I think it took at least 10 minutes before I even realized that I was holding my new baby and actually looked at him and came to.  I think that I was in shock and therefore didn't really get to enjoy the moment like I would have wanted to.

Then I came across the pictures of when he was in the hospital.  I remember how hard it was to just see him laying there, and to not even be able to hold him.  We had this great nurse named Ruby.  She knew how bad I wanted to hold him, and called in a whole team of people to make it possible.  We had to have several nurses, and his life support tech, and then a lot of cooperation on our parts just to get him into my arms.

I had a pillow on my lap to hold him on so that he would not bend too much.  I remember holding him and just kissing and smelling him all over.  It was probably one of the most wonderful moments of my life.  I remember thinking that it was 100 times better than the day he was born.  He was lifeless laying there, but I was so happy and I am sure that he was too.  Next the team moved him to Steve and he was able to experience that joy as well.  

One day Coren needed a medication change.  That day is another that I will never forget.  When I came home I made note of what had happened:

After 12 days of sedation and paralization, Coren finally showed some life tonight and it was VERY cute!  They are in the process of changing his medication and so he was waking up and getting very sad, mad, and agitated.  Tonight after dinner, he woke up and was calm.  Then he spotted some balloons and pointed to them (even though his hands were strapped down).  We brought him the balloons and he just started kicking them as hard as he could and trying to smile.  Then he would reach for them and play with them for a second and then hit them away.  He was having so much fun.  It was so nice to see that he still was so playful and energetic after seeing him just lay there lifeless for so long!  I am sure after seeing him tonight that he will be back to his old self soon.

We hardly ever got to hold him.  Maybe two or three times.  However the day that he was taken off life support I was able to hold him awake and with a little less tubing attached to him.  It was amazing to see him somewhat alert, and to me it meant that we were through the worst of it.  This is the moment in my life that I was most relieved.  We had Coren back.  

Another time that I remember is the first time he got to drink (after a month).  It was a miracle that he was even drinking after they told us to expect at least a year without food and water by mouth (he had a feeding tube) and that it was very possible that he would never eat or drink again.  Coren was truly a miracle.  He fought so hard to stay alive and was such a good sport.  I couldn't believe that it was happening, especially since we just had tests done and I saw a small hole in his esophagus.  Apparently, it was too small for concern.  

It is nice to know that those times that seem so impossible and hard in the moment can become good memories in their own way.